9/13/2010

Hey mortals. Just checkin' in. I was away for a bit more than a week, rofl. I had to cut off the majority of the water supply in China, so I was a bit off schedule. It's all settled. Lol china.

Sooooo, Dad is bringing over a guest for dinner tonight. It's Judas motherfucking Iscariot. That bitch. I think he's gonna betray me. AGAIN. Fucker. I was all like "No, Father, let's put him back in hell!", but then the Lord was all like, "NAH MAN, NOW WHADID I SAY ABOUT DEM CHINESE?!" so as you might imagine, I'm a tad overworked. And now Judas is coming over. I'm gonna damn him as soon as I see him. Lol.

Btw my Dad has both a penis and a vagina, I accidentally saw it/them when He was in Thy Holy Can, so... that image is burned in my brain. Btw, I have a pretty damn Holy brain, so imagine what it would do to YOU. Oh snap. Lol.

To mortals - 9/1/2010

There is a great deal of work to do up here in heaven lololol. For this reason, I am taking a 1-week vacation, rofl. I will post again on the 8th. In the mean time, I'll be starting many fires in small African villages. Lol africans.

Hello, mortals - 8/30/2010

I've been damning people lately. Nothing else much lol. I was also thinking about doing some promotion for my blog. You know, other than sentencing people that aren't following Me to afterlife in the depths of hell. I have a few ideas, and I'll be sure to pick the best, most Holy of them. Lol. Do any of my followers have any ideas? Not that I'll consider any of them, for my mind is far more Holy, but still feel free to "yell upon thy deafest ears" or whatever the saying is. I'm gonna go exterminate some Buddhists, see ya! lol buddhists

Updates - 8/29/2010

Hey mortals, just letting ya know what I'm up to.

Today I was in South Africa, and I made a lady give premature birth to a child IN HER OWN HOUSE. LOL!!! Ah, the miracle of birth. Or in this case, MY MIRACLE OF PREMATURE BIRTH, LOLOLOLOLOL!!!

Oh, look, it's on CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/08/27/south.africa.strike.babies/index.html

Olde English, Middle English, WTF is the difference?

Well, apparently I still have to spend today in the abyss because Dad wanted it in OLDE English, and not MIDDLE English. Apparently I confused the two. Oh well. Stupid Dad...

3 Commandments

My Dad will let me out of the abyss if I issue 3 more commandments (I can make them up) on my blog, so here we go (Dad says Olde English, so just roll with it):

-Thou fhall not exposeth thy penis over thy ChatRoulette.com, nor thy Omegle.com.
-Thou fhall not eat thy "organic" peanuteth buttereth, for it is thou very yickyeth.
-Thou only fhall masturbate between the hours of, on thy 24-hour clocketh, 0:00 and 23:58. At least two minutes must be saved for cleaning thy semen. Sleep may be performed whenever thy wisheseth. Masturbation is not thy obligatory. Thy big words, loleth.

K, thx, bai.

EDIT: Fixed thy Holy typo, from 5 to 3.

Shit

Fuck, I'm grounded. Dad's such a dick. I'm 2010 years old, I'm practically an adult! Ah well. Guess I have to spend the rest of the day in the abyss. Whatever, I still have my computer! I'm checking out a bunch of your blogs, lots of you have stuff to say. I lol'd at the Minecraft one, lol. I engineered physics to work differently than that XD! Rofl, computers are neat. I love you mortals, always inventing new shit. I'm gonna check out some new stuff you mortals made, see ya!

What I Have Been Up To - 8/28/2010

'Sup guys. Dad wanted me to start a blog, so I can "strike up conversations with the mortals" or whatever. I dunno, but anyway lmao, why do you keep on praying to me to kill your enemies? Fuck man, you do that shit. I'm not gettin' involved, lol. And anyway, do you actually expect me to believe that you'll go serve the homeless after I kill him? The last time I tried that, 9/11 happened. And FUCK they didn't do shit they said they would. Omg. Ah well. Oh shit, bye, Dad's getting pissy.